On and On the Magic Doughnut Rollercoaster of Time

I got an Amazon gift certificate for my birthday, and I'm planning to use it toward a waffle iron. I've been craving one (well, the waffles that would come out of it) for a few years, since my old waffle iron broke. At the moment, after much investigation and vacillation, I have it narrowed down to this Krups Expert rotary and this incredibly popular Waring Pro model. I've been going back and forth over the final pros and cons: shape (I prefer Waring's round to Krups's rectangle), the on/off switch (Waring), removable dishwasher-safe grids (Krups), massive popular acclaim (Waring), collapsible handle/smaller footprint (Krups), and on and on.



Meanwhile, I've been browsing all sorts of other fun kitchen gadgets. My mind wanders easily, see? Since doughnuts are something I always crave and rarely get, I did my regular check around for doughnut fun. And sweet bejesus, look out! The Dough-Nu-Matic is here!

And god, don't you just love that name? So assembly line/industrial revolution retro! For some reason, the setup also reminds me of one of those little penguin roller coaster things, like my sister used to have. Unfortunately, it feels like just a dream that I would ever own this rollercoaster of sweet fried goodness---not because of the price, which is super reasonable---but because it's just embarrassing to have an appliance that makes over 150 doughnuts in a half hour. I figure my options are: 1) have lots of children and claim they need a steady supply of doughnuts 2) live alone and hide the fact I need a steady supply of doughnuts. Either way, I'll need more kitchen space than I currently have. So we'll hold off and see if on one distant day in the future I could use one of those excuses and fulfill a doughnut dream.

And if for some reason I find myself in a future without a magic doughnut machine of my own, perhaps doughnuts themselves will help me revisit and correct that problem.

"To go back in time, a traveler would race around inside the donut, going further back into the past with each lap."

On and on, she just keeps on trying.

The New AT&T Commercials Get Careless Online

It's a treat that with today's busy schedules, we can watch most network TV programming whenever we choose by just tuning into that handy Internet. I like TV, but find the plethora of channels and shows too laden a cornucopia from which to choose. Instead of dropping my TV off my terrace as I probably should (when no one's about, of course!), I watch a bunch of crap like Dallas and 90210 reruns, and end up catching the fancy new stuff online.

But the networks are hip to this trend, since they're pretty much arranging for it. So they have some advertising that's absolutely mandatory. I don't mind it so much, except for one damned car commercial I ran into at CBS (which has a crappy online episode service anyway) that repeated the same exact commercial for every segment break. Way to make your product the enemy, Buick or Cadillac or whatever car you were---whose name I'd have noted if you were ever a car I'd buy in the first place.

ABC has a nice setup for their full episodes. Shows are easy-loading, they appear promptly in the post-midnight hours of the night following airing, and they're of good quality. Also, the commercials work nicely. (NBC gets a close second place, btw. The chapter selection has its merits.) So I was watching my Desperate Housewives, and enjoying the run of commercials from AT&T. Ah, that's another plus---at ABC (and NBC), the episodes are all brought to you by one sponsor. If you don't like that sponsor or its commercials, close the viewer and pop it up again! Go for Dove if you like silent commercials. Juicy Juice Harvest Surprise (the one that hides carrot juice in your kids' drinks---surprise!) if you want them to just fly by. AT&T if you want to pick apart the ad work.

I appreciate the new ad campaign AT&T has with the mélange of places created from all the necessary locales its phone user must make or receive calls. It's okay. Not brilliant, but serves its purpose; illustrates it decently. The online versions also add printed labels to these newly invented places where AT&T phones promise to work. The problem is, whoever wrote the place names wasn't paying attention, and/or doesn't actually know place names.

I illustrate:

One commercial shows a customer who needs his phone to work in Hollywood, New York, Arizona, South America, and England. The place name? Have a look.


Now, unless South America is actually spelled "South Amaryca" (which may be cool, hey), this ad maker has been thrown for a loop by the idea of combining "meri" and "land" without making it "Maryland." But okay, maybe a secret nod to the home state or something---just a one-off error, I thought.

Until the next commercial came along! Here, the customer needs a phone that works in Virginia, California, Sacramento (? yeah, I don't know why those two are set off separately), Flagstaff, and San Antonio. The combined place name?


I guess the person who added the text to the ad thinks the Alamo is in San Atonio. Also, I could have sworn that the place name was pronounced "Virgi" calimento, not "Virgin." But you can't rewind the commercials. That should be remedied pronto! Come on, advertisers! Don't you want people to see your ads?

Sloppy work, AT&T! If you weren't already my wireless provider, I'd think you couldn't be trusted with all the little details that make or break customer service in a business where it matters so much. Since I'm already a customer, though, I already knew that. But I doubt any of the other companies are much better, and my phone service works well.
In places like
PORTSANVANASHTON NEWBROOKMANHATTLE.

Long Time No Write (and Pine Brothers and Battersea)

So what else is new? Long time no write is a trend with me. So this is going to have to be short and sweet, or I'll never get back in the swing. The key of getting back into the swing of things is to be willing to start again being only halfassed at it. You'll never start with the skill (stop laughing) you left off with, so jump right back in and shimmy until you get a calf cramp. That's what I always say. Oh, but wait! I forgot the excuse. I was off fiddling about finishing my MA, taking trips, and nursing various ailments. Good enough?

So many exciting things are happening! While doing my usual search for Pine Brothers Cough Drops, the delicious substitute candies we used to eat in school, where of course real candy was not allowed, I actually found a site claiming to sell the "Original" Pine Bros. throat drops. Could it be? Well, I won't know until they start selling cherry or honey flavor, because I find licorice foul, and not even Pine Bros. can overcome that one for me! However, this eager gentleman may be willing to try out some fresh Pine Brothers, licorice or no. I'd like to hear his verdict on the veracity of their "originality." Although I admit it's likely the folks on that site imply a much earlier "original" than my early-'80s version.

What else? Well, I found a use of the word "scrobble" that predates the whole Last.FM thing. You'll have to wait for the exact quotation, but it was from Joan Aiken's Black Hearts in Battersea, whose Wikipedia page is so poor I see no reason to link it. In fact, I see reason to jump in and try to edit that page, but Wikipedia's a lot of thankless work, isn't it? I tend to stick to the simple "minor edits." Larger ones aren't really worth the effort. Black Hearts in Battersea definitely is worth effort, and lucky for everyone the only effort (apart from obtaining the book) is reading The Wolves of Willoughby Chase first, which may be even better. The whole series, which only leads from one book to the next with one dangling thread from its predecessor, is a perfect indulgent read to tuck into for late autumn and early winter.

So stop reading this and start reading that.